Dildo Man (DildoMan@sausagefactory.com) Sun, 22 Mar 1998

Dildo Man Here...

Being the Critical Mass that I am, Dildo Man would like to invite all of you to a pleasure ride. Yes, Dildo Man will use his Super Powers to guide you into the steep canyons of Downtown San Francisco this friday evening. We will promote safe and enjoyable riding practices (for example, we will not be "blowing" through any lights or blowing any stop signs). Last year's March Critical Mass climaxed joyously at a park (that has no parking garage under it) to spot the Hale-Bopp Comet and the Heaven's Gate Escape capsule. This year we will celebrate that celestial event by riding our own rush hour escape vehicles to a clean and well lit place for bikes. Everyone has been asking Dildo Man, "yea, what happened to that critical mass thingy?" To which Dildo Man replies, "well, its *hard* to reach those big & strong numbers when its dark, wet and cold out there, especially when the boys in blue are playing too rough." Too Rough? yes, they have been known to endanger bicyclist's safety by tackling them. To this, Dildo Man asks, "Why are Police Captains admittedly tackling and endangering cyclists safety?" Butt, eventhough the Police are practicing unsafe rush hour tactics, we will *rise up* and show our muscles by riding up and down the streets of San Francisco because "its not what you do with it, butt it's the size that counts. So Dildo Man invites all of you to cum to Justin Herman Plaza this friday for our departure time of 6 PM to a destination that will surely be enjoyable.

Remember, this is a non athletic event. It is purely a pleasure ride with speeds ranging from .5 mph (when you get *stuck* in traffic) to 25 mph and we always wait for those who want to do *it* slower.

-- A Pillar of Safety and Enjoyment, Dildo Man Out http://www.sausagefactory.com/dildoman